I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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