Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
