And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
