oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
