I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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