I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
