there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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