There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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