How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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