it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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