ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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