so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
