Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
