hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
