forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
