Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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