You really coming over, don't trick.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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