I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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