There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
