so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
