We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I AM VODKA MAN
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
