8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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