and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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