no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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