i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
