Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
