Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
