I just cut my nipple shaving
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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