I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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