at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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