The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
