i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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