I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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