On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
