Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
