we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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