mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
