how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
