Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
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After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
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Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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