If i come over, it means nothing
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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