I am in a vortex of obligation.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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