i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
