the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Do vagina's smell?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
