There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
