my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
