you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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