u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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