I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
