We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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