I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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