If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
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I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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