you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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