I wish I could teleport
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize