JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
