You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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