I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
