kristin has been a bad kristin
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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