hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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