What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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