Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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