So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
