I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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