He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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