I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think your dad took our porno
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
