New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
