my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
