your thong is hanging out like whoa
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
That accounts for only three of the penises
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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