so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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