No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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