I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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