Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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