My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
