Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
