Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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