i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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