Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I am one with the molecules
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
