Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
