If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My ATM looks so different sober.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
