i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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