is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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