Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
