My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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