she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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