Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
